Dreams

Baby Parker's face at 34 weeks.

Back when I was 16, in high school and learning to drive I used to have these crazy driving dreams where I was zipping through town in my car knowing exactly what to do. Because I learned on an automatic, but would be taken out occasionally by Russ to drive a standard (which was much harder for me to master), in most of my dreams I was effortlessly shifting through gears and able to get out of first without a shutter or stall insight!

Since they began during drivers ed these types of dreams have usually come back when my mind is moving over a problem or an issue that I have not been able to physically conquer. Over the last few months of pregnancy they have returned with a vengeance — clearly my brain is working over the largest conundrum it has come across in my 33 years of life: MOTHERHOOD!

I think what makes this situation so hard for a resting mind to digest is the fact that it's a WHO not a WHAT! Even when I was getting married it was the actual wedding that was the issue and never the MAN. I am now entering the biggest relationship of my life but it's with a person I've never met. It's with someone who I will give birth to and love unconditionally until I die. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm scared as fuck.

BUT — Just like my sleeping mind always knew — I'm a fabulous driver. I will only buy manual cars and I have a perfect driving record. Clearly my brain and my heart know something and if I just listen to them everything will be fine. Just like in my dreams.


What has been kicking me!