Deadline Oriented

On Wednesday February 11th I was informed, by my midwife, that my blood pressure was too high and that's she'd like me to stop working that Friday. This went against every fiber in my body. What!? She wanted me to SIT AT HOME for two weeks (or more) before I had this baby and do what exactly? She wanted me to leave my job — with many tasks left to do — with only two days notice. I actually got teary when I called Nick and told him. I had shit to do, I couldn't just wait to have this baby for two weeks while not working.

Then I calmed down. OK, my coworkers can handle life without me. I'm not that necessary and no small children will die because I have to go out early. Then I started dreaming about all the stuff I could get done before the baby came (aka nesting — a word Nick shudders at). Cleaning out that front closet. Washing our hardwood floors. Reorganizing the bookcase in my bedroom. AHHHH this I could handle. So I left work on February 13th (Friday the 13th) with my desk half cleaned out promising "I'll be in next week. I'll pick up my shoes and a few others things I've left and we'll do lunch."

My water broke at 3:30 AM on the 14th. Valentines Day. The day my brother was going to propose to his wonderful girlfriend Catie. Have I ever mentioned how deadline oriented I am? Actually I think I'm allowed to call myself deadline obsessed after this: my water broke 10 1/2 hours after I went on maternity leave. Six hours after I posted "Jill feels really weird to be on maternity leave... with no baby yet!" on Facebook.

From here starts my journey to motherhood. I was long - 27 hours. Painful - I had Nubian and an Epidural. Amazing - have you seen photos of my son?

I've blogged a lot over the last nine months about the prelude to becoming a parent. About worries, hopes, dreams and Obama. During the last 25 minutes of labor when I working the hardest I ever have to push that baby out, it all came together and clicked. I looked at my husband standing over me, urging me on and pushed myself to a place I've never been before and then there he was. My most perfect boy. I went from ordinary women and wife to mother and my life shifted to a new place.

Colum is now 10 days old. He is sweet little man who sleeps like a dream and has started (after a rough few first days - who ever said breastfeeding was natural) eating like a champ. Do I still have worries? YES. Mostly the variety of "should I be watching TV while I'm feeding him?" and "how exactly to you give a 10 day old a bath?". All my big concerns have washed away and motherhood has washed over me. Fatherhood has washed over Nick and we are a great team and, more importantly, a family.

PS. The front hall closet is still a mess and so is the bookshelf — Colum doesn't seem to mind. But my Dad and step-mom, Katie, did come and clean our condo for us... so this baby hasn't seen a dirty floor.

PPS. Catie said YES!

The OTHER Big Event.

In my "birth of a president" post a few weeks back I alluded to all the changes in my life. Obviously THE BABY is the biggest of these changes, but there is something else amazing happening and, if I wasn't going to be giving birth in the next 3 weeks, it would take center stage. My husband is going to finish his Ph.D.

Most of you probably don't realized the awesomeness of this, so I'd like to attempt to explain. Nick has been working towards this degree for the last 6 1/2 years and before that he did a two year MA at BC and before that a one year MPhil in England at the University of Leeds. His dedication, his hard work, his commitment to finishing have been unparalleled.

Completing a Ph.D in English is a bit like running a marathon. Firstly, to even start the thing you have to be a little bit crazy. I mean, who would volunteer to be in a degree program that lasts on average 7 years and where you aren't guaranteed a killer job (AKA.. doctor/lawyer) afterwards. There are huge hurdles along the way (heartbreak hills) and you have to spend hours upon hours by yourself training (in the library). BUT in the end when you reach the finish line you've just ran 26 miles and all your friends and family are there to greet you.

So, to be blunt, I might be the bread winner, but Nick has won the marathon. He is one of the most hard working people I have ever met and his passion, work ethic, and commitment to his craft have been inspiring. I was never much of a student and found I work much better in a setting where someone won't pay me if the job doesn't get done. Nick's ability to self manage and meet his OWN self-imposed deadlines is something I've never been able to do.

Over the years I've seen the remains of what doing a Ph.D or even MA can do to a person. Lots of break downs, break ups, drama, instability and even once an intervention. We've lost friends along the way and haven't been impervious to it all, but we've made it. Nick has managed to not only finish his degree, but make wonderful friends, complete 4 albums of music, buy a condo, feed and water an extremely successful marriage and... oh yeah, procreate.

In the end he might not have corner office or be the head of surgery at MGH, but I think he has something better. He has completed a fucking PHD!! He has written a book that is over 200 pages. He has done it all himself with no gun to his head or boss to nag him. He has done it because he started it and he was going to finish. He has done it because he's my husband and he's amazing. Boy do I love that man.